


slow down my thoughts

by chenjiisun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Haechan Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, haechan loves mark, hes overwhelmed, mark loves haechan, markhyuck soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenjiisun/pseuds/chenjiisun
Summary: haechan is so, so tired
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 100





	slow down my thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> tw / rly small mention of self harm!

Haechan runs a hand through his hair. This feeling is getting more and more frequent, eating away at him every day. 

Some days, it's fine. Bearable, at least. He's able to get out of bed, maybe shower, eat a good amount, hangout with his friends. Tolerable. Not horrible. That's how he describes those days. He hasn't had one of them in a while. 

Other days are worse. Indescribably worse. The days where he feels like he can't breathe, can't move, can't do anything. The days when he can barely manage to wake himself up, let alone eat a full meal, or see a single person without lashing out or simply shutting down. The days where he wishes for something, anything, to take it all away. They're so common recently. 

The bright lights and loud music in the practice room feel like they're suffocating him, and his members laughter and excitement seem to taunt him. As if they're laughing at him. 

Haechan bounces his leg up and down, trying to think of something to say. It feels like everyone is eyeing him, waiting for him to say something, judging his every move as he struggles to think of a jokey comment. He knows they aren't, he knows that. But every day it gets harder and harder to convince himself that. He squeezes his eyes shut. 

He tenses when he feels a hand on his shoulder, in the midst of all the laughter and chaos. He opens his eyes slightly, to grasp who it is. 

Mark.

It always is. He seems to be psychic, always knowing exactly what Haechan needs and when. He lets himself relax, ever so slightly. 

"Haechannie."

Mark is quiet enough only they can hear him. Nobody else, just the two of them. Haechan looks up to meet his eyes. He sees Mark's face, full of concern and worry. 

Haechan wants to scream. He feels guilty. He shouldn't let himself feel like this, it only brings other people down, and makes them feel like they have to take care of him. Tears sting in the corner of his eyes. 

Mark's hand comes down to Haechan's back, and he gently leads him out of the practice room, waving everyone off when they ask why.

When they leave the room, the suffocating feeling is gone, just a little bit. 

Mark walks them silently through the hall, waving a small hello to anyone they pass by. Haechan has his eyes shut tightly again, relying solely on Mark to guide him wherever they're headed. He doesn't care, he just can't be in that loud suffocating room again. Not today, at least. 

He opens his eyes when he feels Mark sit them down. He doesn't recognize where they are, on a couch surrounded by a few loose papers and maybe a desk. Probably a spare room of some sort.

Haechan lets himself relax completely in Mark's hold, who begins to draw shapes on the smaller boys back. 

Mark brushes a few stray hairs out of Haechan's face. "Bad day?" 

Haechan gives him a very small nod. 

Mark reaches over and takes Haechan's hands in his own, simultaneously stopping him from scratching up his own arms, which to be honest, he doesn't even realise he's been doing. 

Haechan doesn't hold Mark's hands back, but Mark knows he wants to. He just doesn't have the energy to do so. So he leaves them limp in Mark's grasp. 

A small piece of Mark breaks, as he watches the person he loves tear away at himself. 

"Are you tired?" Mark knows he shouldn't be overloading Haechan with questions, but he can't think of anything else to say. 

Haechan nods again, eyes drooping. His exhaustion is another thing he hasn't realised, it's just so normal to him now. 

Mark gently wraps his hand around Haechan's waist and pulls him down so his head is in Mark's lap. Haechan turns very, very slightly, just enough so he can hide his face.

He feels terrible. Like he's going to pass out and throw up at the same time. But Mark makes it better, a little bit. That's a start.

Mark eyes Haechan carefully. "Do you want water?" Another question, goddamn. He's gotta think of something else to say. 

Haechan hesitates. He doesn't want to move, breathe, let alone consume anything. But the small, rational part in him knows he needs it. 

"Yes, please." His voice is small and shaky, muffled by the way he's curled into Mark. 

Mark exhales slowly. The fact that Haechan has enough in him to even speak, is reassuring.

He smiles softy at Haechan, and pulls out a water bottle from his bag. He helps Haechan sit up, who can only manage to have a sip or two before he pushes it away from him and reburies his face in Mark's lap. 

That's how they stay for next hour. Haechan dazing in and out of consciousness, while Mark distracts himself on his phone with one hand, occasionally giving Haechan some water, or playing with his hair. Mark's other hand doesn't once let go of Haechan's. 

Eventually, Haechan's quiet voice breaks the silence. 

"Mark?"

Mark looks down at Haechan in his lap, finding his eyes, full of emotion. Mark always gets lost in his eyes. Haechan, slowly, finally, intertwines his fingers with Marks. 

"I love you." 

It's hardly a whisper, but Mark catches it. He smiles at Haechan, wrapping his arms around him tighter.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> this was rly short :( but anyway loving markhyuck hours as usual .. hope u enjoyed !!


End file.
